no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
