just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I love you.
Bad choice
we should paint friendship bongs
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