It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
