I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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