"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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