no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
