I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
