one might say we're banned from that church
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
