What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
