everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
