so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't turn off my feet"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
