before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize