I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
