atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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