I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
