I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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