from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
