i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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