If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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