dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
