Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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