It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
