There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
