I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
