let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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