I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
