Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
