Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I believe in your delicious
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
