Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
