we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Randomize
