I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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