So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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