You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
