sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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