Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
