watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
