I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you had me at cake vodka
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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