1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
