the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
