Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Vodka?
Forever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
