He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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