Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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