I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
