Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize