Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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