they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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