absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
