I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
