Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're a waste of cheezeits
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
