look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
