Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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