blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
