i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
