Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
