I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
