the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
