I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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