He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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