I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
