I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
