Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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