I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
