My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
