I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
