he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
