Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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