I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
