6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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