you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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