He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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