I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
