my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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